Two Different Worlds

We speak a different language you and I

We are hardwired in a different way

And yet, I wish to communicate

To bridge the distance and the dissonance

I wish to see you, truly see you

But for this to happen, there needs to be transparency

If nothing else

There needs to be transparency

 

And you won't have any of it

So the book of secrets will remain closed for now

At least for the two of us, the opening seems

To have receded into fog and mist

 

We are build differently you and I

You came from one world, not so far away from mine

Privileged but still different enough

You were taught to practice one upmanship

With all due respect, you can Go Fuck Yourself

And I was bred on being couth and restraining myself

 

Not much happened between us and yet it seems

That this is it and I can't wrap my head around it

It must be the missing piece that is lodged in between

For merely two of what you called 'heavy' conversations did us

Apparently in and I am at a loss

 

For you, truth lies in the brush, for me it lies inside ellipses

That doesn't seem too much of a stretch, does it?

It's the art of life we are aiming for, it’s where we feel at peace

So how is it that this feels like a colossal fail on both our ends

It's timing of course that plays a part

And isn't it that there is no wrong timing in life

If timing is the matter, then our union couldn't have mattered much

 

Ah, the sting to suspect and realize that all the beautiful things

I saw spring into being could have been lovely projections 

Of the missing piece I carry in a sack

Self-nurture, and self-love - they are here to pick up the slack

But I still wish to know what motivated you, what is going on

Inside your head - what is it that keeps you from relating to me

I offered friendship - what more assurance could you want

That I am not trying to trap or bait you

That I am not out for your surface stats

I wish to see you - that seems daunting to you somehow

Or simply something entirely to be dismissed

Nothing of value or significance

 

How do I get past the asshole?

How do I neutralize your cocky glance?

Where do you hide?

Where do You hide?

I am seeing the lesser parts of you

The mundane, the controling parts

I see you becoming manic

Producing with feverish success

I am nowhere here and guess what

All you had to do was "souffler mot"

Whisper the Word

That's all - communicate your cave

Say you ain't there so I can adjust

to what works for me and what I can offer

In this and other circumstance

 

Is this too much to ask?

Is this request unreasonable?

It seems that any word not functional these days

Is one too many words that litters your parade

I don't have the gift of the brush, nor can I intone

A bluesy tune that will bring You here

The O's must be laughing at us

Or maybe they are shaking their heads

Or as Ani sang: maybe they are looking up instead

 

How can I bridge our worlds?

I am facing an impasse and the pain is only 

Properly rendered in poetic stance

But for now, let it suffice to say that despite

Your rejections and your absences

You reside inside me and my missing the mark

Is messing up my internal radar

 

I wish to see you, this hasn't changed

Have I seen all of you? 

I doubt it.

You are in the throes of love's despair

You have your past to purge so newness and beauty

Can reign once more - with or without your muse -

I get that

I wish I had a place in your life - now or ever

I hate the idea of never hearing from you again

I abhor the very thought

But I simply can't reach out

It is you who must let me know

It has to be this way

 

It has to be you who lets me know...