We speak a different language you and I
We are hardwired in a different way
And yet, I wish to communicate
To bridge the distance and the dissonance
I wish to see you, truly see you
But for this to happen, there needs to be transparency
If nothing else
There needs to be transparency
And you won't have any of it
So the book of secrets will remain closed for now
At least for the two of us, the opening seems
To have receded into fog and mist
We are build differently you and I
You came from one world, not so far away from mine
Privileged but still different enough
You were taught to practice one upmanship
With all due respect, you can Go Fuck Yourself
And I was bred on being couth and restraining myself
Not much happened between us and yet it seems
That this is it and I can't wrap my head around it
It must be the missing piece that is lodged in between
For merely two of what you called 'heavy' conversations did us
Apparently in and I am at a loss
For you, truth lies in the brush, for me it lies inside ellipses
That doesn't seem too much of a stretch, does it?
It's the art of life we are aiming for, it’s where we feel at peace
So how is it that this feels like a colossal fail on both our ends
It's timing of course that plays a part
And isn't it that there is no wrong timing in life
If timing is the matter, then our union couldn't have mattered much
Ah, the sting to suspect and realize that all the beautiful things
I saw spring into being could have been lovely projections
Of the missing piece I carry in a sack
Self-nurture, and self-love - they are here to pick up the slack
But I still wish to know what motivated you, what is going on
Inside your head - what is it that keeps you from relating to me
I offered friendship - what more assurance could you want
That I am not trying to trap or bait you
That I am not out for your surface stats
I wish to see you - that seems daunting to you somehow
Or simply something entirely to be dismissed
Nothing of value or significance
How do I get past the asshole?
How do I neutralize your cocky glance?
Where do you hide?
Where do You hide?
I am seeing the lesser parts of you
The mundane, the controling parts
I see you becoming manic
Producing with feverish success
I am nowhere here and guess what
All you had to do was "souffler mot"
Whisper the Word
That's all - communicate your cave
Say you ain't there so I can adjust
to what works for me and what I can offer
In this and other circumstance
Is this too much to ask?
Is this request unreasonable?
It seems that any word not functional these days
Is one too many words that litters your parade
I don't have the gift of the brush, nor can I intone
A bluesy tune that will bring You here
The O's must be laughing at us
Or maybe they are shaking their heads
Or as Ani sang: maybe they are looking up instead
How can I bridge our worlds?
I am facing an impasse and the pain is only
Properly rendered in poetic stance
But for now, let it suffice to say that despite
Your rejections and your absences
You reside inside me and my missing the mark
Is messing up my internal radar
I wish to see you, this hasn't changed
Have I seen all of you?
I doubt it.
You are in the throes of love's despair
You have your past to purge so newness and beauty
Can reign once more - with or without your muse -
I get that
I wish I had a place in your life - now or ever
I hate the idea of never hearing from you again
I abhor the very thought
But I simply can't reach out
It is you who must let me know
It has to be this way
It has to be you who lets me know...