A- for Anger

~

"Empathetic"

Do you call this empathetic?

Is your behavior showing any kind of empathy?

Did I hurt you this much

That you would act aloof, annoyed, frustrated

Angry, wounded, dismissive?

All of these emotions that spell

You fucking bitch - you hurt me

Now go away

I have a life to live

And it ain't got you in it

No, I don't want you to move here

I am not even sure I'll be here

I may be on tour

And no, you can't come with me

By the way

Sorry for feeling like I screwed you over

I feel horrible

I feel like I am a hypocrite

But yeah

Get away you hurt me

I feel hurt

One entire month of feeling hurt

I've not even begun to process it all

O.k...

Wow, didn't you tell me

You are pretty tenacious and don't easily let go?

Didn't you tell me I was worth the wait

And you didn't want me to be the one who got away?

Didn't you tell me we had something special?

Wow, how quickly that all left your system

Now, it feels like my I love you

Is but a gun to your head

And I am about to pull the trigger

The Damage is done you say

The Damage is done

Stuck on repeat

I don't want you to rectify it

I am trying to move on

I don't believe in patchwork

It's done

Wow, pride, is it?

I had no idea how much pride you have

Well, yeah,

I do feel screwed over a bit

Now that you mention it

I know I caused hurt

And for that I am wretchedly sorry

But why didn't you say something?

Like, I don't know:

I am hurt

Instead of evading it and instead asking

Is everything o.k., can I help?

I thought you were open about your feelings

Did I really twist your emotions around this much?

Is that why you yourself admitted

"I reacted harshly'

Yes, you did

Quite a bit harsh

And so here I am sitting

Unable to move off this stupid couch

Not able to contemplate going out

Facing the world

Not fucking in the mood

Patching the heart up

I am tired of performing Operation

I am tired of starting anew

My stomach is burning

Too much junk food will do that to you

I don't know where to turn to from here

I am stuck on a couch

Sorry for myself and the resolution I brought about

I looked at your page last night

Great that your hookers engaged in a fight

And that the only post that has to do with me

You reposted to poke fun at

Going out and being around tons of people

You don't seem to hurt at all

Do I want you to hurt more?

Well, it would be nice to know

That I was worth more than what I bore witness to

The last two times I saw you

Am I already peripheral dust?

Is that all I've become so quickly, so clearly?

Did my Desperate Act mean nothing?

Is there another woman already

To mark this departure with absolute finality?

All these notes, all these nights

Everything

All gone

Wow, I do feel screwed over

And it's an ugly, ugly feeling

Is my I love you a fraud

Because I am the only one out there

Feeling the fucking blow?

I may have to lay this matter to rest

It can't be real if only one person feels

And it sure hurts to see others

Who started their romance at the same time

Going strong and making plans for love in the future

I guess, these are the phases of grief

They are upon me

And it fucking well hurts

And I wish I could just toss this entire pain-tiered system out

I have had enough loss in recent years

I want out

How I wish I could be surprised for once

Not years too late

Like in his case

But with you

Right here, right now

 

Isn’t that what miracles are all about?